Maclean Kay Humour The white menace
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18 November 2010
Want to start a panic in Victoria? Announce it's about to snow.
Yesterday's forecast called for 5 to 10 centimeters of snow for Monday, which would effectively paralyze the city. That sound you hear? The rest of the country failing to stifle their giggles.
That forecast has since been revised - as of this writing, it's now "mixed precipitation," mostly on Saturday. But even that caused my mother to consider canceling our dinner plans. My mother was born in Edmonton and went to high school in The Pas, Manitoba - she never used to flinch at total whiteout conditions. But a few years in Sidney...well, it seems to change one's perspective.
You know you live in a wonderful place when RUMOURS of "mixed precipitation" cause heart palpitations and the kids to stay home from school. Here, snow is seen as something akin to a natural disaster. For example, my wife was recently asked, in all seriousness, whether the buses continued to run in Calgary when it snows.
But snow isn't entirely unknown in Victoria. In fact, it's semi-common in some of the suburbs; there were reports of flurries last night in Langford and on the Malahat. The further and higher inland, the more likely you are to find snow. Hell, there's a ski resort a few hours north of here. A good one, too.
To be fair, there's reason for disquiet. Funny as the image of blue-haired Victoria rendered helpless by a light dusting may be, it's not without reason. The city can't be expected to stockpile snowplows and crews to man them for a handful of snow days every few years. Even cities that expect annual blizzards get overwhelmed; no matter how many plows you have, it can't ever be enough.
Nor is it surprising that drivers who almost never see ice or snow have no idea how to negotiate it. (Helpful hint: whatever you do, don't slam your brakes.) The percentage of vehicles on the road with winter tires is astonishingly low - even all-season radials aren't a given. It's one thing for you to know what you're doing in the snow - but thousands of other drivers having no idea - that's terrifying.
So if we really do get 10 centimeters of snow on Monday, expect me to call my boss (me) and call in sick. Hopefully he won't fire me when I'm seen building a snowman in front of the Empress.
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That is my new favourite word. Here in the balmy foothills of Southern Alberta we're enjoying 1.5' of the white stuff with more to come. Every year I say "this year I'm buying that snowblower." Never really believing the Snowpocalypse will come.
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